Are we just protecting ourselves from each other?
Hiding the affection since we're afraid to scare another person away by the intensity of the feeling?
I certainly do.

May be I haven't seen the bottom of the pit, but that was pretty close.
Insanity was crawling by my bed in heavy scales. Dark-green, I think.

It all started so innocently, with a small experiment, with me putting down the receiver and wondering 'Will they call?'
Well, they didn't, nobody ever did, and I was left to myself.

Темные дамы порхают над бледными топями
И костенеют в болотах уже навсегда...

If you are playing a white deck, dark swamps will suck your energy. You got me out.
I don't know what will happen if you let me go.
I am afraid to think of it.

And I am scared. I was single for three years. Why?
Why in the name of God, if every man I met would tell me how beautiful and smart I was, yet nobody would ask me out?
I learned to put up appearances at school or work. Yet guess, I couldn't hide the fire in personal life, reacting too strangely and too neurotically, pushing everybody away.

Have I lost myself under the masks, which were meant for survival?

The day of our first argument, I was crying.
You said my actions were "sick".
It hurts when you question your own sanity.

I was oscillating like a fine curve on a graphed paper: my highs were getting higher, like improving the marks, getting friends; but my lows were getting lower. I feared one day they may literally kill me, letting out moral pain through physical, which was engraved in one of those infatuating online texts, was really helping. At least, in the short run.

You brought me back.

Second best? Chosen instead of a dream?
I fucking had that dream in flesh and I chose you!
And after that you question me?